Scribble Might

A fresh perspective on the personal and political.

An Ode to My Muffin Top November 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — mandolyn10 @ 6:34 am

For years, when the puff-out above my waistband caught my eye,

My body would sink, pulled down by repugnant gravity.

Disappointed, I’d roll my eyes and think, “You again?”

And the mean, old bitch in my head would begin ticking off her list:

You’re still eating too much

If you exercised enough, this wouldn’t be a problem

You’ll never fit into your skinny jeans again

You failed at keeping the weight off.

 

But today, I ran my hands from my breasts to my belly

Down over your protruding warmth,

And I’ve decided I owe you an apology.

 

I’m sorry I haven’t ever touched you with care

I’m sorry I never recognized your beauty

I’m sorry I didn’t try to see your neutrality

in the war I wage on my body.

 

I could tell you all the reasons

I have treated you dismissively

Or how it was just easier

To pretend you hated me

And wanted to make my life harder.

 

But the truth is that it never occurred to me

that you needed to be loved.

 

I never noticed how soft you are under the press of my fingers.

Nor how comfortably the heads of my nieces rest upon your squishy edges

as I read them books or tell them stories.

I have ignored the way my lover reaches for you at night, before we are asleep.

I didn’t consult you before I had a an art-deco version of me

in naked, corpulent splendor, tattooed across you on my left side.

(to remind me I have always been beautiful)

Yet you provided a perfectly smooth, flawless canvas for the artwork anyway.

 

I didn’t know that you could teach me about loving no matter what

I didn’t think you had anything to tell me about acceptance

I didn’t know you would whisper back,

“You are wonderful, just exactly the way you are.

Today.

Right now.”

 

I didn’t know that when you spoke, your voice would echo in a male timbre

I didn’t know that you would sound like my long-estranged father,

Only warm and kind and sweet.

 

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3 Responses to “An Ode to My Muffin Top”

  1. Kris Says:

    Wow, Thoughful and deep. Love it.

    Corpulent… Good stuff. 🙂

  2. I really love your “An Ode To My Muffin Top”, and I would like to ask you for a permission to recopy it.
    I am the Founder and and the Presedent of the first Association for ED in Bulgaria. If you give me a written permission, I will translate your story i Bulgarian language and write your names for references. Your story will be placed as a wonderful source of inspiration in the Art Center on the website of the Assosiation UNIKAL: http://www.bia-unikal.org.
    Thank you very much for your kind attention.
    Please replay to me on: bia.unikal@gmail.com
    With kind regards,

    Elisaveta Pavlova


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